Why we self-sabotage and three words to stop it
Feeling as though we are not enough is “now an epidemic,” celebrity therapist Marisa Peer told me.
According to the hypnotherapy trainer, motivational speaker and author; it’s the single reason underlying so many of our problems.
It’s the reason you binge eat - because you feel empty inside.
It’s why you can’t get a promotion at work - because you don’t believe you’re worth it.
It’s the reason you feel threatened by people who have more than you.
And it’s why Marisa came up with a technique designed to re-wire our beliefs and change the way we feel about ourselves.
“The way you feel about everything is down to only two things; the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself,” she told me in HealthHackers episode 28.
“You make your beliefs and then your beliefs make you.”
Marisa has been a therapist for more than 30 years, with a client list that includes award-winning Hollywood actors, Royalty, rock stars, athletes and CEOs all dealing with problems, ranging from major self esteem or confidence issues to “every addiction you can think of,” as well as eating disorders and health issues like infertility and even eczema.
But early on in her career she noticed that almost all of the problems her clients were suffering with came from the same feeling - that they were not good enough.
‘Smoking, drinking, obesity, addictions, gambling, insecurity all stem from this feeling of “I’m not enough,”’ she explained.
“I’ve never met an addict in my life (and I’ve met thousands) who ever felt they were good enough.”
After identifying the root cause, Marisa said it meant she could then treat it and cure her clients of “all the presenting issues forever,” she told me.
She created a system called Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT), which she described as “a hybrid therapy” involving hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, psychology along with “it’s own techniques that don’t exist anywhere else.”
“It took me 30 years to really put it all together,” she told me.
“My own patients taught me what works and what doesn’t.”
One of her tools, which has sparked a trend on Instagram, is #IAmEnough - also the title of her book about it.
The method involves repeating the phrase to yourself, writing on your mirrors, maybe setting it as a reminder in your phone - in order to convince your brain that it’s true.
It sounds too easy and that’s what many of her own clients first told her, but according to Marisa, the mind learns through repetition.
“If you tell yourself ‘I am enough’ everyday it will change your life.”
Because once you believe it, “you can resonate your enoughness at a level that positively impacts your career, your relationships and your happiness levels,” the book reads.
Marisa explained that it takes a very small amount of time (as little as one day for some, two weeks for others) for the mind to become convinced.
(Watch episode 28 to hear what happened when a super-difficult, drug-addicted, award-winning Hollywood star tried the ‘I Am Enough’ method.)
Marisa believes her technique reactivates the self worth and confidence that we were all born with (you’ve never seen a baby feeling embarrassed about a bad hair day, right?)
So if we were all confident babies once upon a time, why do so many of us grow up to think we are not enough?
“It comes from our conditioning,” she told me.
“We just kind of bury it under stuff that isn’t even true.”
She links it to childhood experiences (perhaps you felt your parents didn’t approve of or love you) but also blames the media - both mainstream and social - full of “fake images of perfection” that we compare ourselves to, as well as concerns about how others judge us.
“Our fear of being rejected makes us hold back,” it could be what’s stopping you from writing a book, giving a talk, or asking for a pay rise, for example.
“If we only knew that you can’t be rejected - the only person who can reject you is you.
“When you know you can’t be rejected it makes you kind bulletproof, people can say mean things, but if you don’t let it in, that in itself will change your life,” she told me.
One thing to note about meanness, according to Marisa: “All critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves. If you don’t let it in it can’t hurt you,” she said.
“We have an epidemic of bullying because people let this stuff in.”
In her book, she advises we simply stop hanging out with friends who constantly criticise us.
And her advice on dealing with online trolls is to delete or skip over any nasty comments.
After what I’ve just learnt from Marisa about self-worth, it seems safe to assume trolls obviously don’t think they’re enough.
So if you’re reading this and are about to let rip with abusive remarks, please try repeating the phrase ‘I am enough’ and see if you start to cheer up.
Find out more about Marisa via the links below.
marisapeer.com for free audio programmes.
iamenough.com for information on the book plus live Q & As.
rapidtransformationaltherapy.com if you’d to train as an RTT practitioner.