Episode 43: John Gray
Keys to a happy relationship, and boosting testosterone among men
healthHackers episode 43 with bestselling relationship author John Gray
This episode was recorded in London just before I relocated to America. Now that I’m settled in San Francisco, I’m able to publish it. Enjoy!
In this episode, you’ll hear John’s views on:
The number one most important aspect of a relationship
Why men are losing their libido
How a male can boost his testosterone and become “superman”
Why women today feel so overwhelmed and stressed
How a female can bring out the best in her male partner
An easy technique for better communication between men and women
How watching porn changes a man’s attraction for his real-life partner
What causes a man’s testosterone level to drop
The things females ‘need’ to be happy in a relationship
How women unknowingly make their male partners feel like failures
Why women should let a guy do more for them
How to improve physical intimacy
The problem with being an independent woman
How tech and instant gratification are changing our brains
“We are having a crisis of low testosterone in males”
John Gray has spent last 40 years teaching millions of men and women how to achieve more fulfilling love lives
Bestselling relationship author John Gray has been busy giving interviews with other members of the press when he joins me to film healthHackers episode 43. He’s on a tight schedule but doesn’t seem at all weary from it.
Perhaps the 68-year-old’s energy levels can be attributed to his hormones. In particular, his “extremely high testosterone,” that he tells me is higher than it was when he was "a young guy."
He’s written 26 books and is most famous for his iconic ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus’ franchise. Prior to his fame, John spent nine years as a celibate monk. But for the last 40 years, he’s been teaching millions of men and women how to achieve more fulfilling love lives.
John cites stress as “the number one reason for failed marriages”
We’re recording our healthHackers at the UK’s first Health Optimization Summit where John is due to give a keynote speech. The presentation is titled ‘Gender-specific stress management for optimal health.'
According to John, stress is having a negative impact on our romantic lives. In fact, on one of his blog posts, he cites stress as “the number one reason for failed marriages.”
In our interview, he tells me: “Women today tend to feel overwhelmed and stressed and they can’t have the ability to fully love and appreciate their partner.”
Meanwhile, men are dealing with falling testosterone levels - which can cause them to become “lazy, irritable [and] angry,” he explains.
Having an optimal amount of testosterone has been linked to youthfulness, memory and strength in males - as outlined in one of John’s books; ‘Beyond Mars And Venus’ — where he also debunks the myth that testosterone is a cause of aggression amongst men.
“We don’t realize that anger, for example, is not too much testosterone - it’s too much estrogen,” he tells me.
“You can only be angry if your estrogen levels are spiking. So men don’t know what to do, their testosterone literally turns into estrogen and they begin to get emotional, they get argumentative, they get defensive,” he says.
“All the negative behaviors that men have are all generally equated to low testosterone levels.”
Why are modern men low in testosterone?
“We are having a crisis of low testosterone in males and a lot of that has to do with women becoming more independent. There’s no built-in ‘Oh women need me, you know, I’ve got a job to do,’” he tells me.
“If your wife makes money, you don’t have to work as hard - at least that’s the perception of it.”
Readers of his ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ books, will be familiar with John’s teachings on how men and women each have “a male side” and “a female side” - referring to their masculine and female qualities.
“We don’t realise that anger, for example, is not too much testosterone - it’s too much oestrogen,” John tells me
“It’s like the ying and the yang,” he tells me. There has to be a balance. If, for example, a person veers too much on to one side, there will be a hormonal response and they could risk being unhappy in their relationship because of it.
“We are having a crisis of low testosterone in males,” according to John
“…she comes home and she’s overwhelmed with so much to do; she’s on her male side. He wants to connect with her - he actually becomes more on his female side… that makes him lazy, irritable, angry,” John explains.
There’s a lot more to this (he didn’t write his first 400-page book for nothing). But when you listen to healthHackers episode 43, you’ll at least hear John outline a simple technique for getting the best from each other at the end of a stressful day.
John also blames instant gratification and an over-indulgence in fantasy for bringing down testosterone in males. They stimulate the brain in a way that leaves real-life looking, well, a bit boring really. He says addiction is "one of the symptoms" of low testosterone.
How do men rectify low testosterone?
“It’s not taking testosterone that’s the answer, actually … when guys take it, it turns into estrogen and they get road rage.
“The solution isn’t taking the hormones, it’s in making the hormones.”
“A big part of it for men… is how they have sex,” John tells me. He goes on to explain a technique that he suggests will transform a man into “superman.”
You’re best off listening to the episode yourself to hear it from the horse’s mouth.
I’m far too prim to type it out. :-0
Check out John’s website.